#663 


No.  38. 
"I  CAN'T  MAKE  MYSELF  DIFFERENT." 

A    CONVERSATION    BETWEEN    A    MINISTER    AND    ONE    OF    HIS 


FLOCK. 


Minister  And  now,  as  we  have  got  through  our  busi- 
ness, Mr  U,  Jet  us  turn  to  something  more  important  I 
was  glad  to  see  you  at  church  last  Sunday  ;  now  you 
have  come  once,  I  hope  .you  will  come  regularly 

ii*  u  x  J  (  J*0"'1  lv'nmv'  sir^  l  J,ked  a11  l  *»eard  revv 
is  in  it    l  l  "^  an'V  US°  'n  g0mg  U"leSS  °ne's  1)eH" 

Min.     And  is  not  your  heart  in  it? 

C  No,  I  can't  say  it  is.  I  won't  deceive  you,  sir; 
but  I  don  t  ieei  drawn  that  way,  and  I  see  no  use  in 
trying  till  am.  I  can't  make  myself  different.  You 
said  yourse  fin  your  sermon,  »  A  man  can't  change  his 
own  heart."  h 

Min.  And  I  say  so  again  ;  none  but  the  Holy  Spirit 
can  do  that.      But  why  keep  away  on  that  account  ? 

C.  Because,  as  1  am  now,  1  have  no  heart  in  it,  and  \ 
don  t  see  the  use  of  going.  Excuse  me,  sir,  if  I  speak 
plainly,  but  that  's  the  truth.  ' 

Min.  I  am  glad  you  do  speak  plainlv,  because  then  I 
can  speak  plainly  too.      Mr.  C,  do  you  ever  pray  ? 

C.     JN ot  very  often. 

Min.      Why  not  ? 

C.  For  the  same  reason  — because  I  seem  to  have  no 
heart  for  prayer.  If  I  kneel  down,  I  don't  feel  as  if  I 
was  in  earnest;  and  I  am  sure  it  is  no  use  praying- 
without.  '      y     fe 

Mm.  No,  that  is  very  true.  But  why  not  ask  God  to 
make  you  in  earnest? 

C.  I  can't  ask  God  for  anything  as  I  am  now,  because 
1  don  t  really  feel  the  wish;  and  I  can't  make  myself 
wish. 

Min.  Now,  I  think  you  are  going  too  far.  You  say 
you  don  t  feel  the  wish  —  what  wish  ? 


2  "i  can't  make  myself  different.*' 

C.  Why,  the  wish  to  be  different  from  what  I  am,  for 
I  know  I  am  not  in  a  good  way  now.  But  it's  no  use 
talking,  sir;  I  hope  it  will  come  some  day,  and  it's  no 
good  trying,  or  praying,  or  anything  else,  till  it  does. 

Min.     Did  you  ever  try  in  earnest? 

C.  I  don't  know  that  I  ever  did.  I  know  it  's  of -no 
use. 

Min.  You  were  laid  up  with  the  rheumatism  some 
time  ago,  were  you  not? 

C.  It  was  the  Jumbago,  and  very  bad  I  was  with  it. 
I  didn't  leave  the  house  for  six  weeks. 

Min  Well,  now,  you  are  a  cabinet-maker,  and  I  have 
heard  you  say  you  don't  get  much  to  do.  I  was  down 
at  the  docks  this  morning,  and  Mr.  W.  took  me  over  his 
large  new  ship,  that  is  to  be  launched  next  week.  I 
found  your  neighbor  over  the  way,  Mr.  H.,  there  fitting 
up  the  captain's  cabin;  he  had  several  men  at  work 
besides  himself,  for  the  cabin  is  all  to  be  lined  with 
mahogany,  and  there  is  all  the  furniture  to  be  fitted  to  it 
besides.  Mr.  H.  has  been  at  it  for  several  weeks,  and 
says  it  is  the  best  job  he  has  had  all  the  year.  You 
would  have  liked  to  have  it,  wouldn't  you?  Only  the 
order  came  just  when  you  were  laid  up. 

C.  Oh!  I'd  have  managed  it  somehow,  if  Mr.  W.  had 
given  me  the  job:  but  no  such  luck  comes  in  my  way. 
Why,  sir,  Mr.  H.  will  make  thirty  pounds  by  it,  if  he 
makes  a  penny.  I'd  have  gone  on  my  hands  and  knees 
rather  than  lose  such  a  chance;  trust  me,  I'd  have  got 
down  to  the  docks  fast  enough,  lumbago  arid  all. 

Min.  I  have  no  doubt  you  would.  At  all  events  you 
would  have  tried  ;  though,  before,  you  thought  you 
could  not  stir  a  step.  Now,  just  let  us  go  back  to  what 
we  were  talking  of.  You  say  you  do  not  try  because  you 
are  sure  it  's  of  no  use. 

C.  Ah  !  I  see  what  you  are  driving  at,  sir.  But  the 
two  things  are  not  alike.  I  should  have  wanted  to  get 
that  job  at  the  ship,  but  I  don't  want  the  other.  I  don't 
feel  any  desire,  I  'm  not  in  earnest — and  I  must  wait  till 
I  am. 

Min.  But,  on  your  own  showing,  it  is  more  "  I  won't" 
than  "I  can't."  You  say  you  are  not  in  earnest  —  do 
you  wish  you  were  ? 


"  I    CAN  T    MAKE    MYSELF    DIFFERENT.  3 

C.     Yes,  I  should  be  glad  to  feel  different,  certainly. 

Min.     Are  you  quite  sure  of  that  ? 

(No  answer.) 

Because,  to  speak  plainly,  I  am  not,  if  yon  are.  Don't 
be  offended  with  me  for  saying  so,  but  I  do  not  think  you 
really  wish  to  be  different  from  what  you  are.  On  your 
own  showing,  wouldn't  you  try,  if  you  did?  It  is  not 
that  you  can't,  but  you  won't.  I  cannot  believe  that  a 
man  who  would  hobble  down  to  the  wharf-side,  all  crip- 
pled and  in  pain,  just  to  get  a  thirty  pound  job,  would 
sit  still  and  say  '•  It 's  no  use  trying,"  if  he  really  wished 
to  be  a  different  man.  Why,  only  set  one  thing  against 
the  other:  on  the  one  hand,  a  good  job  of  work;  on  the 
other,  the  salvation  of  your  soul  —  for  it  comes  to  that. 
No,  Mr.  C,  you  are  not  in  earnest,  your  heart  is  not 
set  toward  God,  and  you  don't  wish  it  to  be.  You  have 
no  real  care  for  your  soul,  or  how  could  you  sit  still  and 
let  it  take  its  chance  for  eternity,  and  coolly  say,  UI 
can't  make  myself  different,  it's  no  use  trying?"  Now, 
am  I  too  hard  on  you,  or  is  this  the  truth? 

Mr.  C.  made  no  reply. 

I  have  no  wish  10  be  hard  on  you,  but  I  do  think  you 
are  not  awake  to  the  preciousness  of  your  soul.  Your 
will  is  in  fault  —  you  said  so  yourself:  but  the  evil  lies 
even  deeper  than  you  think;  your  heart  and  will  are 
altogether  wrong.  Oh,  how  differently  you  would  speak 
and  act  if  you  were  convinced  of  sin,  and  brought  to  feel 
your  soul's  need  !  Now,  I  want  to  show  you  that  this 
change  of  will  (in  other  words,  a  new  heart)  is  what 
God  has  promised  to  give,  and,  therefore,  the  very  thing 
you  should  pray  for  :  in  all  you  have  told  me  of  your 
feelings,  there  is  nothing  but  what  God  has  foreseenand 
provided  for.  But  I  will  not  do  it  in  my  own  words.  I 
see  a  Bible  on  the  shelf,  just  give  it  to  me,  and  bring 
your  chair  to  mine,  and  let  us  look  at  a  few  passages 
together;  and   may  God   teach  our  hearts  by  his  spirit. 

Mr.  C.  still  said  nothing,  but  the  Bible  was  brought, 
and  they  sat  side  by  side  and  the  minister  opened  the 
sacred  book,  and  as  he  did  so  his  heart  was  lifted  up  in 
prayer,  that  he  might  belled  to  suitable  passages,  and 
that  the  word  might  be  blessed  by  the  Spirit. 

First,  I  want  to  show  you  that  man's  will  is  by  nature 


4  "  I    CANT    MAKE    MYSELF    DIFFERENT. 

corrupt  and  disinclined  to  God;  so  that  it  is  no  wonder 
that  you,  or  any  one  else,  feel  no  heart  for  spiritual 
things.  At  the  very  beginning-  of  the  Bible  we  find 
this — "And  God  saw  that  the  wickedness  of  man  was 
great  in  the  earth,  and  that  every  imagination  of  the 
thoughts  of  his  heart  was  onry  evil  continually."*  That 
was  before  the  flood.  But,  ages  after,  we  find  man  no 
better;  here,  in  the  prophesy  of  Jeremiah, -it  is  said, 
"The  heart  is  deceitful  above  all  things,  and  desperate- 
ly wicked  "|  And  if  we  turn  to  the  New  Testament, 
we  shall  find  something  plainer  and  stronger  still.  Here, 
for  instance — "The  natural  man  receiveth  not  the  things 
of  the  Spirit  of  God  :  for  they  are  foolishness  unto  him; 
neither  can  he  know  them,  because  they  are  spiritually 
discerned. "J 

C.  I  don't  want  to  interrupt  you,  sir,  but  all  this  is 
nothing  new  to  me.  I  have  told  you  all  along  that  I 
don't  feel  any  interest  in  these  things,  so  it  doesn't  sur- 
prise me  to  find  it  said  so  in  the  Bible. 

Min.  But  suppose  I  can  show  you  that  this  very  thing 
is  spoken  of  in  the  Bible  as  a  fault,  and  a  thing  which 
man  might  help  if  he  chose.  Look  here,  for  instance — 
"  They  will  not  frame  their  doings  to  turn  unto  their 
God  ;"§  this  is  God's  complaint  against  Israel  :  not,  you 
see,  that  they  cannot,  but  that  they  will  not.  And  there 
is  a  remarkable  verse  at  the  end  of  the  same  chapter, 
which  you  ought  to  lay  to  heart — "  I  will  go  and  return 
to  my,  place,  till  they  acknowledge  their  offence,  and 
seek  my  face."  You  say  you  must  wait  till  God 
changes  you,  but  here  he  seems  to  say  he  will  wait  till 
you  seek  him  ;    did  you  ever  notice  that  verse  ? 

C.     1  don't  know  that  I  ever  did. 

Min.  Well,  don't  forget  it;  you  know,  you  must  not 
take  one  part  of  scripture  and  leave  another.  Now, 
look  at  this  verse  in  the  Psalms — "The  wicked,  through 
the  pride  of  his  countenance,  will  not  seek  after  God. 
God  is  not  in  all  "his  thoughts. "||  There  is  often  pride 
in  us  where  we  do  not  suspect  it.  Perhaps,  after  all,  it 
is   pride  that  keeps  you  from  seeking  God.     And   now, 

*Gen.vi,  5.  fJer.  xvii,  9.  J  I  Cor.  ii.  14. 

#  Hos.  v,  4.  I  Piialm  x,  4. 


l>  I    CAN  T    MAKE    MYSELF    DIFFERENT.  »> 

once  more,  turn  to  the  words  of  the  Lord  Jesus  himself: 
this  is  his  complaint  against  the  Jews — "  And  ye  will 
not  come  to  me,  that  ye  might  have  life."*  What  could 
any  plain,  honest  man  think  from  these  words,  but  that 
the  Jews  might  have  come  if  they  would?  And  is  it 
not  just  the  same  with  you?  Ah  !  Mr.  C,  perhaps  the 
Lord  Jesus  says  of  you  that  you  will  not  come  to  Him 
that  you  might  have  life;  perhaps  this  is  his  complaint 
against  you,  that  though  he  has  died  that  you  might 
live,  and  though  he  has  called  you  to  him  again  and 
again,  yet  you  will  not  come,  but  only  cavil  at  his  words 
like  those  hard-hearted  Jews,  and  reason  about  whether 
you  can  come  or  not,  instead  of  taking  him  at  his  word 
and  coming.  Let  me  ask  you  one  thing:  Do  you  think 
God  would  invite  us  to  come  to  him,  if  he  knew  we 
could  not?  And  if  God  has  promised,  in  answer  to 
prayer,  to  take  away  our  unwillingness,  and  dispose  us 
to  seek  him,  does  this  not  take  away  all  excuse? 

C.  ft  does  seem  so,  indeed.  But  I  cannot  even  pray 
as  I  ought,  and  I  believe  no  one  can  until  it  is  given 
him. 

Min.  I  believe  if  you  really  wished  for  the  thing  you 
would  pray,  without  stopping  to  think  whether  you  could 
or  not.  But,  granting  that  no  one  can  pray  aright  till  it 
is  given  him  (which  I  believe  as  much  as  you  do),  my 
answer  is  that  God  will  give  it.  That  disciple  must  have 
felt  he  could  not  pray,  who  said,  "Lord,  teach  us  to 
;pray.'*f  VVThether  it  was  want  of  inclination  or  want  of 
knowledge  he  felt  (1  suppose  it  was  the  latter),  it  makrs 
no  difference  in  the  argument  ;  he  wanted  help  to  pra;N , 
and  asked  for  it  ;  and  Jesus  granted  his  request.  It  is 
one  of  the  offices  of  the  Holy  Spirit  to  help  in  prayer — 
"Likewise,  the  Spirit  also  helpeth  our  infirmities;  for 
we  know  not  what  we  should  pray  for  as  we  ought:  but 
the  Spirit  itself  maketh  intercession  for  us  with  groan- 
ings  which  cannot  be  uttered. "j  Words  could  not  speak 
plainer.  We  have  infirmities  about  prayer  —  not  you 
only,  but  all  of  us;  and  not  all  the  same,  but  one  this 
and  another  that.  And  God  knows  this  far  better  than 
we  do,  and   has  provided  for  it:   the  Holy   Spirit  helps 

*  John  v,  40.  |  Ll,ke  xi>  1«  +  Rom-  viii>  26- 


0  "  1  can't  make    myself  different/' 

us  ;  brings  us  into  a  fit  state  of  mind,  makes  us  to  wish 
for  right  tilings,  warms  our  desires,  puts  thoughts  and 
feelings  into  us,  and  helps  us  in  our  very  words.  You 
are  not  the  only  man  in  want  of  this  help;  I  want  it  too, 
and  often  seek  it  ;  and,  Mr.  C,  whenever  I  have  been 
enabled  freely  and  fully  to  lay  my  wants  before  God,  L 
am  well  aware  who  it  is  that  has  helped  me  ;  it  has  not 
been  my  own  doing  alone 

But  there  is  one  thing  I  want  to  bring  you  to  stil!.  I 
wish  to  show  you  clearly  that  God  has  promised  to  give 
a  new  heart  ;  in  other  words,  to  make  people  different 
from  what  they  were — the  very  thing  you  tay  you  can- 
not do  for  yourself.  Listen  to  this  —  ■<  And  I  will  give 
them  an  heart  to  know  me,  that  I  am  the  Lord;  and 
they  bhall  be  my  people,  and  I  will  be  their  God  :  for 
they  shall  return  unto  me  with  their  whole  heart."* 
There  are  three  or  four  more  passages  to  the  same  effect. 

It  is  true  these  promises  were  made  to  Israel.  But,  in 
the  first  place,  there  never  was  a  more  rebellious  people, 
so  that  a  promise  made  to  them  is  full  of  encouragement 
to  others.  And  in  the  next  place,  Israel  is  an  example 
to  us,  and  God's  dealings  with  them  a  pattern  of  his 
dealings  with  us.f  But  there  is  another  promise,  made 
not  to  Israel  only,  but  to  all  :  "If  ye  then,  being  evil, 
know  how  to  give  good  gifts  unto  your  children  :  how 
much  more  shall  your  heavenly  Father  give  the  Holy 
Spirit  to  them  that  atk  him  ?''|  To  them  ;  that  is,  to  all 
that  ask  him ;  to  you,  Mr.  C,  if  you  ask  him.  You  could 
not  have  a  promise  more  suited  to  your  case  ;  if  ever 
your  heart  is  to  be  changed,  it  must  be  by  the  Holy 
Spirit,  and  here  the  Holy  Spirit  is  promised  if  you  ask. 
But  I  have  stayed  much  longer  than  I  meant,  and  fear  1 
have  taken  up  your  time,  and  tired  you  besides. 

C.  Pray  say  nothing  about  that,  sir;  I  have  not  any- 
thing particular  to  do,  and  I  'd  rather  hear  all. 

Min.  Well,  then,  I.  will  just  show  you  one  instance 
of  such  prayer  as  I  wish  you  to  make;  it  is  this- — 
11  Turn  thou  me,  and  I  shall  be  turned  :   for  thou  art  the 


*  Jer.  xxiv,  7.    See  also  Jer.  xxxi,  33  ;  xxxii,  39;  Ezek.  xi,  19,  20; 
xxxvi,  26,  etc. 

|  1  Cor.  x,  11.  %  Luke  xi,  13. 


"i    CAN  T    MAKE    MYSELF    DIFFERENT.  7 

Lord  my  God."*  Now,  here  is  exactly  the  prayer  for 
you;  because  it  not  only  asks  for  what  you  want,  but 
asks  in  faith,  expressing  a  belief  that  God  both  can  and 
will  do  it.  Tell  me,  do  you  think  God  is  able  to  turn 
your  heart  to  himself? 

C.     Yes,  I  do. 

Mm.     And  do  yon  believe  he  is  willing? 

(No  answer.) 

Why  should  you  doubt  it?  He  has  told  you  so;  he 
has  shown  it  by  sparing  yea  to  the  present  time;  he  has 
given  you  many  examples  of  it.  Think  of  the  parable 
of  the  prodigal  son,f  meant  to  show  God's  willingness  to 
receive  the  returning  sinner;  remember  how,  "when 
he  was  yet  a  great  way  off,  his  father  saw  him,  and  had 
compassion,  and  ran,  and  fell  on  his  neck,  and  kissed 
him,"  and  would  hardly  let  him  acknowledge  his  fault, 
so  ready  was  he  to  forgive.  If  such  is  the  way  God  re- 
ceives the  returning  sinner,  can  you  think  he  will  refuse 
to  help  him  to  return  ?  And  think  of  that  verse  in  the 
8th  chapter  of  Romans — there  is  a  world  of  argument  in 
it — u  He  that  spared  not  his  own  Son,  but  delivered  him 
up  for  us  all,  how  shall  he  not  with  him  also  freely  give 
us  all  things?"^  ^e  lnal  gave  his  Son,  will  he  withhold 
his  grace?  Then  why  not  pray,  "Turn  thou  me,"  be- 
lieving that  he  both  can  and  will?  Don't  argue  about  it, 
but  just  take  God  at  his  word  ;  pray  upon  his  promise, 
upon  his  power,  upon  his  love.  Don't  you  remember 
the  case  of  the  man  with  the  withered  hand?  It  was 
crippled  so  that  he  could  not  use  it,  but  Jesus  said  to 
him:  stretch  forth  thine  hand:  and  he  stretched  it 
forth;  and  it  was  restored  whole,  like  as  the  other."§ 
How  could  that  be?  Doubtless,  because,  in  the  very  act 
of  trying  to  obey,  he  received  power  to  obey.  What  if 
he  had  said,  u  I  can't,  it  's  no  use  trying?"  Ah!  Mr.  C, 
your  heart  is  like  his  hand,  but  the  power  that  healed 
the  one  can  change  the  other.  He  who  said  "  Stretch 
forth  thine  hand,"  says  to  you,  "Believe,  pray,  turn." 
Only  do  as  the  man  with  the  withered  hand  did — try,  in 
simple  dependence  on  him  who  commands,  and  God  will 
give  you  the  power. 

#  Jer.  xxxi,  18.     f  Luke  xv,  11-32.     %  Rom.  viii,  32.     \  Matt.  12,  13. 


8  "  1    CAN  T    MAKE    MYSELF    DIFFERENT. 

There  is  one  more  piece  of  advice  I  will  give  you  : 
don't  have  a  "but"  ready  for  all  occasions.  You  have 
a  deadly  enemy,  who  will  do  all  he  can  to  keep  you  from 
God:  and  if  he  can  but  make  you  argue  and  dispute, 
instead  of  praying,  his  end  is  gained.  Your  favorite 
answer,  "I  can't  make  myself  different,"  though  in  one 
sense  true,  is  of  his  framing;  just  as,  when  he  dared  to 
tempt  our  Lord  himself,  lie  did  it  with  words  of  scrip- 
ture. 

I  hope  you  will  not  forget  our  conversation.  This  is 
no  speculative  subject,  but  a  matter  of  life  and  death. 
Pray  for  a  change  of  heart.  If  you  cannot  pray,  ask  that 
the  Spirit  may  help  your  infirmity.  If  you  feel  little 
desire,  even  ask  for  more.  You  may  be  all  that  you  say, 
indifferent  and  unconcerned,  with  no  taste  for  spiritual 
things,  and  no  heart  for  prayer — you  then,  of  all  others, 
should  pray,  because  you  need  so  much.  If  no  other 
prayer  comes  to  your  mind,  at  least  you  can  say,  "Lord 
teach  me  to  pray;  help  my  infirmity;  make  me  in 
earnest."  I  hope  the  hand  of  God  was  in  it,  that,  when 
I  came  here  to-day  on  business,  we  were  led  into  this 
conversation.  If  ever  you  want  such  help  as  I  can  give, 
come  to  me  without  scruple,  and  we  will  talk  over  these 
things  auain,  and  search  the  Scriptures  together.  It  is 
my  heart's  desire  for  you,  that  you  may  be  really  con- 
cerned for  your  soul,  and  be  led  to  flee  to  Christ  as  one 
in  earnest  for  salvation.  Before  I  go,  let  us  kneel  down 
and  pray. 

They  did  so,  and  when  they  rose  from  their  knees,  Mr, 
C.'s  face  wore  a  serious  and  softened  expression,  and  he 
thanked   the  minister  for  his  visit:  and  so  they  parted. 


PUBLISHED    BY    THE    SOUTH    CAROLINA    TRACT    SOCIETY. 


Printed  by  Evans  &  Cogswell,  No.  3  Broad  street,  Charleston,  S.  C. 


Hollinger  Corp. 
pH  8.5 


